We have a small spoiler: no one knows exactly how to have sex properly. But together with a counselings psychologist and sex coach, we've shared everything that can help you figure it out. Sex is a very personal and subjective experience, and perhaps the only constant in its diversity is the mutual pleasure of all participants in the process. Good sex should focus on the pleasure and satisfaction of both partners. It's important to balance the needs and desires of your partner with your own.
Explore each other's bodies, experiment with different techniques, and pay attention to words and reactions. Sexual satisfaction can be enhanced by exploring various positions, techniques, and activities. Experimenting with something new can help keep the sexual experience interesting and satisfying for both partners. However, it is always crucial to prioritise consent and openly communicate any new ideas or desires.
Whether it' your first time having sex or sex with a new partner, the aspects of readiness are roughly the same. The main advice is to listen to yourself; no one but you knows if you are ready for sex or not. If you feel like you're not ready, you probably aren't.
You feel comfortable and ready for physical contact. You have no pain or discomfort in your genital area or other parts of your body.
You feel an emotional connection and trust with your partner. You feel calm and safe in their presence.
You have sufficient knowledge about sexual relationships, practices, contraception, and consent. You understand that sexual intercourse can have physical, emotional, and social consequences.
Both you and your partner have clearly and unequivocally expressed your consent. Neither party should feel coerced or pressured.
You have discussed and made decisions about contraception methods to protect yourself and your partner from pregnancy and sexually transmitted infections.
You feel comfortable and confident in your body and your sexual desires. You are ready to openly discuss preferences and boundaries with your partner.
You are ready to take responsibility for your actions and the consequences related to sex. You understand the importance of maintaining consent and respect for your partner. It is important to remember that everyone is individual and may have their own criteria and boundaries. Readiness for sex is primarily determined by your personal feelings, emotions, and sensations, which you should not be ashamed or embarrassed to discuss with your partner. Additionally, you can say "no" at any time and refuse anything you are not ready for or do not like.
Talking about sex is as natural as feeling sexual attraction. If you or your partner feel awkward or embarrassed, find a communication method that is comfortable for both of you. This could be a quiz format with prepared answers or a written conversation on this important topic. Understand that there are questions whose answers can not only resolve many possible undesirable consequences but also save your life.
Ensure that your partner agrees to intimate relations and is ready for them. Remember, "no" always means "no." Persuasion, pressure, and manipulation are unhealthy behaviors that should be avoided in personal relationships, especially in intimate ones. Consent must be clear and mutual.
Discuss each other's health status, preferences for using contraception, and protection against STIs. This will help you be aware of potential risks and take appropriate measures for protection.
Talk openly about sexual preferences, desires, and boundaries. Learn what your partner likes and what they do not accept or are not ready for. This will help create a comfortable and satisfying sexual atmosphere.
Discuss your sexual preferences, fantasies, and expectations from sex. This will help you understand each other better and make the experience more fulfilling.
Talk about how to create a comfortable and safe environment for sex. This can include using lubrication, choosing a place for sex, and so on.
Discuss the possibility of emotional support and understanding during and after sex. Be ready to support each other and discuss any emotional issues that may arise. It's important to remember that every couple may have their own characteristics and preferences, so the discussion before sex should be individualised and take into account the needs and desires of both partners.
Before having sex for the first time, it's important to recognise that it is a unique experience requiring discussion and preparation. Discussing expectations, boundaries, and contraception can help make this experience more comfortable and safe.
Remember that you have the right to say "no" at any moment. This is a fundamental right for everyone in intimate relationships, ensuring safety and comfort for all participants. No circumstances or expectations should deprive you of the ability to make free decisions about intimacy and your body.
Trust Your Feelings and SensationsListen to your body and trust your feelings. If something doesn't feel right, it's important to express your feelings and ensure both partners feel comfortable.
Self-Respect and Self-WorthRemember that you deserve respect and care in intimate relationships. Do not agree to something that doesn't align with your values or feelings.
Contraception - A Shared ResponsibilityPreparation for sex includes discussing contraception methods. This responsibility is shared by both partners, so it's important to discuss this with your partner.
Avoiding Complex FantasiesFor the first time,it's better to avoid complex sexual fantasies and focus on simple and classic positions. This helps concentrate on pleasure and comfort.
Agree on a Safe WordEstablishing a safe word before sex ensures safety and comfort for both parties. This allows you to stop sexual activity if necessary or if you feel uncomfortable.
Choosing a Comfortable LocationSelect a place for your first time wisely, ensuring it is convenient and safe. Having access to a shower and toilet nearby can provide additional comfort and safety if needed.
Openly discuss your expectations, desires, and boundaries with your partner. Clear communication helps prevent misunderstandings and ensures a more positive experience.
HealthTalk about your sexual health and any precautions needed to protect against sexually transmitted infections(STIs). Ensuring both partners are healthy and protected can alleviate concerns and promote a safer experience.
Emotional ReadinessMake sure you feel emotionally ready and connected with your partner. Emotional readiness is just as important as physical readiness and can greatly impact your experience.
EducationEducate yourself about sexual activities, consent, and protection methods. Being informed can help you feel more confident and prepared.Remember, the first time is a significant step, and it's important to take it at your own pace, ensuring comfort and mutual respect. Everyone's experience is unique, and what matters most is that both partners feel safe, respected and ready.
Before your first intimate experience, it is crucial to be prepared for open and attentive conversations about your partner's needs. Respecting her boundaries and preferences, as well as ensuring her comfort and safety, plays a significant role in establishing a trusting environment for both partners.
Show Restraint and RespectRespect your partner's decisions and boundaries. Do not pressure her or insist on sex if she is not ready. Remember, consent must be mutual and voluntary.
Ensure Your Partner Feels ComfortableFind out what helps her relax before sex and provide support in those ways. Creating a comfortable environment can help both partners feel more at ease.
Take Care of ContraceptionEnsure the safety of both partners by discussing and using appropriate contraception to prevent unwanted pregnancy and protect against STIs.
Be Attentive and Sensitive During SexPay close attention to your partner's reactions during sex. Immediately stop if something causes discomfort or unpleasant sensations. Being responsive to her needs will help build trust and comfort.
Communication and FeedbackAsk questions and show interest in what your partner enjoys. Express your preferences and desires as well. Sharing feedback helps create a more pleasurable and satisfying experience for both.
Tact and RespectBe tactful and respectful towards your partner. Avoid criticising her appearance or sexual skills. Instead, offer understanding and support, fostering a positive and encouraging atmosphere.
Engage in open discussions about expectations, desires, and boundaries. Clear communication can prevent misunderstandings and enhance the experience.
Emotional ReadinessEnsure that both you and your partner are emotionally ready for this step. Emotional readiness contributes significantly to the overall experience.
Patience and UnderstandingBe patient and understanding with your partner. Recognise that both of you may have insecurities or anxieties and addressing these openly can strengthen your bond.
Education and KnowledgeEducate yourself about sexual health, consent, and safe practices. Being well-informed will help you feel more confident and prepared.By focusing on respect, communication, and sensitivity, you can help create a positive and mutually satisfying first sexual experience. Remember, the key to a successful intimate relationship is mutual respect and understanding.
Before having sex for the first time, it's essential to be prepared for important discussions and to create a safe atmosphere. Discussing safety, foreplay, and choosing the right position will help both partners feel confident and comfortable. Remember the importance of respecting each other's boundaries, creating the right ambience, and enjoying the process, which might not be as perfect as in movies but will be special and unique for both of you.
1. Use ProtectionDiscuss safety issues, including using condoms and other methods of protection against sexually transmitted infections(STIs) and unwanted pregnancy.
2. Give Time and Attention to ForeplayForeplay can enhance arousal and pleasure for both partners. Kissing, touching, and other forms of foreplay help build intimacy and anticipation.
3.Create a Special AtmosphereEnsure a pleasant environment free from distractions. This helps focus on the moment and increases satisfaction.
4. Choose a Comfortable PositionExperimenting can come later; let your first time be simple and comfortable for both of you.
5. Respect BoundariesRespect personal boundaries and do not allow them to be violated. Do not agree to anything that contradicts your desires. Also, respect your partner's boundaries.
6. Let Go of InsecuritiesAllow yourself to let go of worries about appearance and anatomical differences. Give in to feelings and sensations, focusing on the process.
7. Be Realistic in Your ExpectationsReal sex is different from what is shown in romantic movies and porn. The first experience is often not perfect; however, quality sex comes when partners know and understand each other well.
8. Enjoy the ProcessAll preparations and discussions are aimed at ensuring that you and your partner enjoy your intimacy. Enjoy every moment and share the joy of intimate communication with each other.
Condoms: Ensure you have condoms ready. Condoms are effective in preventing both STIs and unwanted pregnancies. Learn how to use them correctly.
Other Contraceptives:Discuss and use additional contraceptive methods if necessary, such as birth control pills, IUDs, etc.
2. ForeplayCommunication: Talk to your partner about what feels good for both of you. Explore each other's bodies through kissing, touching, and caressing.
Relaxation: Take your time to relax and enjoy the build-up. This can help reduce anxiety and increase comfort.
3. Setting the MoodEnvironment:Choose a comfortable, private, and quiet place where you won't be interrupted.
Ambiance:Consider dim lighting, soft music, and clean sheets to create a pleasant and relaxing atmosphere.
4. PositioningComfort First:Opt for positions that are easy and comfortable, such as missionary or spooning, where both partners can maintain eye contact and communicate easily.
Gradual Exploration:Avoid complicated positions that might add unnecessary stress or discomfort.
5. Respect and ConsentClear Consent:Make sure that both of you are completely comfortable and have given clear, enthusiastic consent.
Stop if Needed:Be attentive and ready to stop immediately if either partner feels discomfort or wants to pause.
6. Embrace ImperfectionFirst Time Realities:Accept that the first time might not be perfect. There might be awkward moments, and that's okay.
Patience:Be patient with each other and focus on learning together.
7. Realistic ExpectationsMedia vs. Reality:Understand that real sex involves genuine emotions and sensations that differ from what is portrayed in media.
Learning Curve:Good sex often improves as partners become more familiar and comfortable with each other over time.
8. EnjoymentBe present and enjoy the sensations and emotions of the moment.
Shared Experience:Communicate and share your feelings with your partner, making the experience more intimate and enjoyable.
By focusing on communication, comfort, and mutual respect, you can make your first sexual experience a positive and memorable one.
It's important to be as sensitive to your partner as you are to yourself during your first sexual experience. Don't stay silent if something bothers you or if you're not ready for certain actions. Be polite and tactful in communication, but remember that your comfort is paramount. Mutual respect and understanding are the foundations of healthy and enjoyable sexual relationships.
1. Stay Silent and EndureCommunicate with your partner and share your feelings. If something doesn't feel right, speak up immediately rather than enduring it to avoid hurting your partner's feelings. Likewise, share what you enjoy as you are just beginning to learn about each other.
2. Indulge in AlcoholThe belief that alcohol helps to relax is common, but in reality, it dulls sensations and awareness. You may agree to something you're not ready for or miss your partner's cues. Ask yourself: if you need a substance to relax around this person, are they really the right person?
3. Neglect SafetyEven if your partner assures you of their health, do not ignore contraception. Unprotected sex should only be considered in long-term relationships where both partners are well-informed about each other's health and have consulted a doctor.
4. Compare Yourself to OthersRemember that each experience is unique, and comparisons can only create unnecessary pressure and dissatisfaction. Focus on your own sensations and pleasure.
5. Lie About Your Experience, Desires, and FeelingsBe honest with your partner and do not hide your true feelings or concerns. Lying can lead to misunderstandings and unpleasant consequences in the future, while openness fosters trust and intimacy.
Understand that the first time might not be perfect, and that's okay. Good sex often gets better with time and mutual understanding.
Respect BoundariesMutual respect is crucial. Do not push your partner to do something they're not comfortable with, and do not agree to anything that makes you uncomfortable.
Take Your TimeDon't rush the process. Take the time to explore and enjoy the moment. Foreplay and creating a comfortable atmosphere can enhance the experience for both partners.
Prioritise ConsentEnsure that consent is clear, enthusiastic, and ongoing throughout the experience. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, and it's important to respect that.
By focusing on communication, mutual respect, and safety, you can ensure that your first sexual experience is positive and memorable.
Sex coach and trainer at the Center for Family and Sexual Education, believes that to make the first sexual experience successful, it's crucial to not only establish open communication with your partner but also to spend time on self-discovery:
"Experts unanimously agree that openly discussing sexual preferences and desires with your partner can significantly enhance sexual satisfaction and the quality of intimate life. Striving to learn everything about your partner is commendable, but for pleasure, it's also essential to know yourself and your desires well. If you know what you like, you can explain it to your partner. Communication with your partner is important, but it's also crucial to work on self-awareness, self-esteem, and confidence, which can positively impact intimate relationships.
Making the first sexual experience more pleasant and mindful can also be facilitated by experimenting with foreplay, studying each other's bodily reactions, and taking things slow at a pace comfortable for both partners.
Many people face unrealistic expectations from sex, often shaped by pornography or romantic movies. However, real sex is usually different from what is shown in movies, and understanding this helps couples approach intimate relationships more mindfully."
The degree of sexual satisfaction is influenced by various factors, including physical health, lifestyle, mental state, relationship with your partner, and many others.
Healthy Body, Healthy Mind, and Healthy Communication, these are the three constants that underpin good sex.
Discuss your preferences, boundaries, and fantasies with your partner openly. This helps in aligning expectations and ensures mutual satisfaction.
2. Self-DiscoveryUnderstand your own body and what gives you pleasure. This knowledge allows you to guide your partner and enhances the overall experience.
3. ForeplaySpend ample time on foreplay. This can heighten arousal and make the sexual experience more enjoyable.
4. Manage ExpectationsRecognise that real sex may not always match what is depicted in pornography or romantic movies. Having realistic expectations helps in creating a more fulfilling experience.
5. Physical HealthMaintain a healthy lifestyle, which includes regular exercise, a balanced diet, and adequate sleep. Good physical health can significantly improve sexual function and satisfaction.
6. Mental Well-beingWork on your mental health. Stress, anxiety, and other mental health issues can negatively impact sexual satisfaction. Practices like mindfulness, meditation, or seeking professional help can be beneficial.
7. Pelvic Floor ExercisesStrengthen your pelvic floor muscles through exercises like Kegel. This can enhance sexual pleasure by increasing sensitivity and control.
8. Safe and Comfortable EnvironmentCreate a comfortable and safe environment for sexual activity. This includes ensuring privacy and minimising distractions.
9. Take It SlowEspecially for the first time, take things slowly. Allow yourselves to explore each other's bodies and reactions without rushing.
By focusing on these aspects, both partners can work towards a more enjoyable and fulfilling sexual relationship. Communication, self-awareness, and mutual respect are the keys to a positive and satisfying sexual experience.
